Finding Love

As a child, and then as a teen, I had always heard stories and songs about this mystical, everlasting love. I had always hoped to find it. It sounded so wonderful and fulfilling. You know how the stories ended “and they lived happily ever after”. I know, it sounds silly, those stories were full of D.I.Ds (damsels in distress), but they were rescued by Knights in shining armor. I always wanted to be one of those Knights and find a beautiful woman that I could rescue and who I could live happily ever after with.

Here is what I have learned since then. Everyone is looking for the same thing…Even if they don’t know it. I also learned the secret to finding it.

Are you ready for it?

Here it is----

Love the one you are with…

It’s that simple. Once you have fallen for someone, you both have work and cultivate it. Like I explained recently to my son, love is not unlike hate. They both are like a fire, if you don’t feed them, they can’t survive. Therefore, I don’t hate anyone, because if I don’t care for you, I don’t think about you. In order to hate someone you have to consistently think about it to keep that hate smoldering. I refuse to let anyone or thing control me like that. Loving someone or something is exactly the same, you have to feed that love. Remember what it was that made you love them in the first place. The little things you do for them is the kindling helping it grow. Then every so often you do something really wonderful for them and it’s like a big log, it gets the fire really going. You have to tell them that you love them and mean it with the same feeling and emotion as the first time you ever said it. You have to learn to get pleasure out of making them happy

I think that many people are unhappy or have had bad luck with relationships because they are in love with being in love. They are addicted that wonderful feeling of infatuation that comes at the beginning of a romance. Once that initial excitement wears off, they lose interest and look for the next fix. They never discover that that feeling is still there, you just have to find it again. It takes work. It isn’t always there, but in between, there is that comfortable warm feeling of companionship. That there is someone that you can have a conversation with, without saying a word. Someone that pleases you because they want to, without expecting anything in return but love. Someone that you please because it makes you feel good, just to see a smile and know that you are loved.

I have also discovered that when you are unselfish in your physical relationship,  making sure that you are doing everything possible to please your lover, it is reciprocated, and making love is that much better… And more frequent.

So… Well, I’ll leave it to Stephen stills…

War on Masculinity or Why “Nice Guys Finish Last”

I saw an article the other day in which some “Nice Guy” left a note on a young ladies vehicle, lambasting her and all women who claim that they can’t find any “Nice Guys”, because she kicked him, a self-proclaimed “Nice Guy” to the curb. Here is the issue as I see it. Women think they want nice guys, what they really want (WHOA, you claim to know what women really want? Yes, just read on..) is a MAN. Women want one thing in a man, whether they recognize it or not, they want a masculine man. That’s why it seems as if most women prefer “bad boys”. Bad boys are, above all else, very masculine. Bad boys also have a tendency to treat women like shit. If they can find a “Nice Guy” that happens to be a MAN, that is just icing on the cake.

I don’t care how liberated, feminine, modern, independent, or feminist a woman may be, subliminally she wants a MAN. She wants a protector (whether she needs it or not), she wants a provider (even if she is better educated and makes more money than him), and she wants good genes for her offspring (whether she wants children or not).

The modern dichotomy is this, women, since the 60’s, have been beating men about the head and shoulders with the “We want sensitive men” club. They have been forcing the medication of our sons for acting like boys (Ritalin). They punish little boys for stealing kisses, pretending a chicken nugget, pop-tart, or finger is a gun. One six year old was suspended from school for bringing in a GI Joe that had a small toy pistol in a holster!!! Back before most of this really got started (thank god), I was a little boy in the 60’s and early 70’s. I was a military brat and went to eight schools by the time I finished the eighth grade. You know what I did for the first six to eight weeks of almost every school I attended? I fought. I would get into two to four fights before it ended. Little boys have to figure out a pecking order, and fighting was the way it used to be done.. I guess now they play video games or something. The result of all of this “War on Boys” is that these boys don’t grow up to be MEN. Don’t get me wrong, they are “Nice Guys”, but when I was a kid, they would have been giving up their lunch money and getting wedgies every day. Many of these “Nice Guys” are just checking out, there is a new phenomenon in the western world called the “Sexodus”. Young men are giving up on relationships with women, settling for “hook ups” (aka one night stands), porn, or just celibacy. They fill their days with drinking, or drugs; video games and or sports; and just hanging out with the guys.

So what we are going to end up with are women, and men, living alone, and childless…